In a different world, I'd be counting down my last days till I was off on my trip. Friday was to have been my last day at work. But in the uncertainty after September 11th, I put everything off another six months. It's not that I'm disappointed that I don't get to go right now. It's just an in-your-face demonstration of how much life can change in a few months. It's not just the departure date that changed, but my whole trip really. Everywhere I go will be different.

Last summer I was saving every dime I earned. Hardly ever going out, and even refusing to turn my A/C on to save enough money to leave this week. I was sacrificing a lot for a distant goal. I remember thinking how something could happen to me or to the world before departure that would make me unhappy I gave up so much to prepare for something that might never happen. It's a little spooky to think back on.

I suppose I have no regrets, though. I understood the risk I was taking and made the best decision I could at the time. And I may yet still get to go on that trip. We'll see.

My web host crashed back in November, taking with it most of the entries I'd posted last summer and just after September 11th. Those are the ones I miss most. I wish I had a good record of what I was thinking then. I know I didn't deal with it well at all. Odd because I'd always known something like that was possible and wan't all that surprised when it did. But seeing it happen flipped some switch that made me realize I wasn't as strong and independent as I'd thought. It was a long time before I wanted to think about this trip again.

And I'm still not entirely sure I want to go. I also think about moving to San Francisco, where my brother just moved. And my boss is talking about setting up a post production shop in Asheville, North Carolina. He's mentioned hiring me to go there. It's near my Mom's and is a very cool city.

But there's still an allure to hitting the road, and reading a travelogue by this guy Matt Lerner keeps the fire stoked. I just don't want to get burned again. So I'll keep watching the situation and make decisions as I go.|