Let us begin with the channel lineup for the cable operator in Panama City.

2. Telemundo Entertainment
3. Telemundo News
4. Unused
5. Channel 5, Local Station
6. Cartoon Network
7. Hardcore Porn
8. Hallmark Movie Network

Swear to God. Cartoons... followed by full-on close-up 24 hour hardcore action... followed by sappy old movies that barely made Saturday night on CBS. The porn is not scrambled or premium content in any way... it's basic cable baby. Imagine flipping through your cable from your local NBC to TBS to TNT to stuff that might make Larry Flynt blush. I seriously haven't seen a lot of Playboy channel, but this is way farther gone than that. Playboy just kinda shows lots of skin and the camera keeps a safe distance. Channel 7 here is reminiscent of when TLC used to broadcast live surgical operations.

"Not for porn, but for news."
One more funny thing and I'll let it go. When I turned on the TV for the first time I was greeted by quick-cut clips of widely varied but always spirited sex acts. It was a promo... a 30 second commercial to get you to watch the channel. If you haven't read the rest of the site, that's what I do for a living. Not for porn, but for news. (You may now insert your own joke about what exactly the different is.) But the announcer voicing over the spot was an independent voice talent person I've worked with in the past. I dunno if she'd be embarrassed so I won't say who, but she's getting a nudge-nudge email from me shortly.

You may recall my complaints about the a spitting that goes on here. I have a new oral gripe to report. Teeth sucking. (At this point I should probably indicate that we've now changed topics are are no longer discussing pornography.) For weeks or months I wrote it off as running into a random sequence of people who happen to suck their teeth. But no. There have been far, far too many of them. It's in the culture. You'd expect old men. Especially old men without teeth. But everybody. Attractive young women are some of the worst offenders. Several times I've had to sit on long bus trips next to women who made that nasty, nasty sound every minute or so. What's with that? I suppose they might be missing a tooth or two... even the young people. I think that makes one more likely to do the sucking thing. And there's definitely a higher rate of tooth loss here than at home. But I think it's something different. Maybe it's cool or something.

"I'm on page two of the hits."
Have you ever Googled yourself? This would be when you type your own name into Google and see what sites come back. I did something a little different. I wanted to see what happens if someone types "online world travelogue" into the search engine. And whaddya know... I'm on page two of the hits. And a news story on me from ChannelCincinnati.com is like the third link on the very first page. I think it's all the legitimate sites that link to this one that make it rank so well. Cool though.

I'm still a little sick and I'm not sure if I'm getting better or not. I bought a thermometer this afternoon and my temperature is 37.5. After an initial panic that my blood was less than six degrees from the freezing mark, I realized the thermometer was in Celsius. Why can't everyone use our antiquated and nonsensical Fahrenheit, pounds and miles? Turns out 37.5 is about 100. So I'm not about to catch fire... even though I woke up a couple of times last night covered in sweat. Not sure what that was about, except that maybe my fever was higher earlier and has since dropped. I've been laying around all day today and will likely do the same thing tomorrow if I don't feel better. That leaves me Sunday to do the Canal before my flight on Monday morning. I'll drag myself to the Canal if I have to get one of those rolling IV bags like on ER.

"Everything I learned about television engineering."
And for those of you waiting in nail-biting desperation for word on the state of my digital camera... feared damaged or destroyed in the Chiriqui deluge. Turns out the training I've received from television engineers helped immeasurably to salvage it and it's working perfectly even without a new battery. Here's everything I learned about television engineering. Read this and you're qualified to apply for a position at your nearest network affiliate.

When faced with a malfunctioning electronic device, do the following: Turn it off and turn it back on. If this fails, make sure the device is not full of water. If water is present, dry the device and attempt step one again.

Worked for me.