I sent this letter to Shoptalk the other day. I thought it was mildly amusing.

Word tonight of a devastating verb shortage at NBC News. Television's leading network news organization revealing it has been forced to secretly ration the part of speech for months. Hardest hit: correspondent Robert Hager, who has bravely tried to compensate by talking faster and more loudly.

Late last year, a desperate attempt to hold out against the withering verb drought. The network inking a deal with ABC News, purchasing a large stockpile of "tonight"s left over from PrimeTime Live. That deal, along with a licensing agreement for incidental use of Dan Rather witticisms, bringing a chance for survival.

But tonight: despair and hopelessness. Its "tonight" reserves almost gone and the FCC considering new gerund phrase regulations, word NBC may finally give in. Reports from inside the company that the decision was made upon learning "Nightly News" producers were writing scripts containing high numbers of r's and l's. The hope: that anchor Tom Brokaw would accidentally slur something sounding like a verb.

NBC expected to suspend news operations next week. Tonight, "Headliners and Legends" with a look back at the distinguished history of NBC News.

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